I think I was 10 when I definitively decided that I didn’t want to have kids. We went through Y2K, and I haven’t changed my decision. But somehow, almost every person I mention this to seems to believe that they can be the ones to convince me otherwise.
It can be exhausting, to repeat yourself over and over again. I mean, if after hitting puberty, exploring first loves, discovering my sexuality, hitting my biological clock, watching my friends have babies— if I still haven’t felt like I want to, do you really think fickle words from an acquaintance or stranger are really going to be the thing that makes me give up something I’ve truly, genuinely, wholeheartedly wanted (or rather not wanted) for over 2 decades of my own life?
I mean, come on.
Well, to be fair, after a point it does get funny. Watching the reactions on people’s faces - the people who believe that having a child is an obvious rite of passage in life - when I tell them I am not going to have kids. Ever.
Sometimes, I do it just to watch their expressions change. Ha!
But very often, that turns into a very long and ardous debate that I never wanted in the first place, (just like the hypothetical child they have already imagined on my behalf) and the inevitable question is hurled at me - “But why? Why exactly? What exactly is your reason?”
I can’t answer that question anymore. So I decided to write and publish for posterity. (Expect this link to be shared if you’re the one to ask me)
Here goes. These are my reasons for not wanting to have a child:
1. I Don’t Want To
… end of list.
Yea, this is probably not what you wanted to see when you started reading this story. Well, too bad. It’s literally all that it is.
I’m not saying I hate children. I’m not saying I hate on other people who’ve had children. I’m not even saying that others shouldn’t have children.
No. I’m simply saying that I don’t want to have any.
What my reasons are, is not important to anyone else but me. Not even to my family, my friends (my partner, yes); but no one else.
I like my life as it is. I may have decided not to have children for reasons that are financial, emotional, traumatic, environmental - that’s for me to know, and for others to respect.
I enjoy hanging out with kids… sometimes. Especially the little humans of my friends. I love being an aunt. I just don’t want to be a parent. And I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. So many people (of all genders) are choosing to live a child-less life today. And their reasons may all vary; but they’re also all valid.
I believe children should be raised in households where they are surrounded by love, joy, guidance, support, healthy emotions; but more importantly-- parents who delight in child rearing. Those who embody this, should definitely go ahead with their plans to have children. But we're not all made of the same fabric.
If we truly are in an age of equality, isn’t it high time we change this systemic notion that a person’s life without a child, is a life without purpose?
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